


I Am Yours (And Have Been Yours, And Will Be Yours) But Are You Mine To Claim And Keep?

by PadmeSigma



Series: Once A Glimpse Was All I Needed [2]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate-Alien-Soulmate-Biology-Thing, Cardassians have soulmates, Drabble Collection, Humans don't, M/M, Minor culture clash, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 18:29:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PadmeSigma/pseuds/PadmeSigma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drabble for every letter from A-Z.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A - Always

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in the same universe as the first drabble set. In this universe, every Cardassian has a soulmate. Most are fellow Cardassians, but not all. They recognize their soulmate whenever they first meet them (unless they've been implated by the Obsidan Order to mask it... which is unforgivable under Cardassian law, a major reason the shadow organization was so controversial). While not a problem for most Cardassian/Cardassian soulbonds, people with non-Cardassian soulmates have cause to worry. Outright rejection will kill them immediantly, and they will eventually Fade and die if they aren't accepted by their soulmate. When one half of a soulbond dies, the other dies with them (although this only applies to Cardassians themselves - a non-Cardassian soulbonded to one wouldn't die if their bondmate did). No-one is more pitted than a Cardassian who never found their soulmate. On a final note, most (but not all) major species have life-spans upwards of four hundred years. (This is hardly even mentioned and mostly due to the fact that this is set in a 'verse I would like to do some more extensive work in, but the drabble set is all I've put in currently.)

    From the moment they met, Elim Garak was bound to Julian Bashir, though he didn't truly realize until the implant was removed. Time could be bought by hiding it, never being rejected outright, but he can only hold out for so long. In a way, it's almost a relief when he collapses during lunch. No more ceaseless agony, he finally knows the end is coming. If only Julian didn't look at him with such concern in his eyes, didn't become even more determined when he told him there was nothing he could help with. For so long, he had held no hope – to be given it now seems doubly cruel.


	2. B - Bored

    Julian can't bring himself to be upset that he's having a slow day. Fewer people in the infirmary means fewer people getting hurt; but, despite that, he can't deny that he's bored. Having exhausted all the trivial project work he could think of, he sighs, gives up all pretense of having a job to do, hands over the sickbay to the nearest nurse, and walks to Garak's shop. His bondmate, however, is closer to overworked. Garak barely looks up when Julian enters, but he definitely notices when kisses are pressed against his neck-ridges. He can afford a break after all.


	3. C - Can't

    Julian doesn't know what to do when Garak collapses. If it were anyone else, he would be able to slip into the calm, confidant mask of Dr. Bashir; but it's Garak, and he just can't be objective about him. He manages to get the Cardassian to sickbay and runs a few scans, but they come up clean. Nothing is wrong with him. He immediately brushes the doctor off when he wakes up. Julian is certain that Garak knows what had caused him to pass out, and he doesn't deny it, just says there's nothing Julian can do – not that Julian can accept that.


	4. D - Date

    Julian dresses carefully in clothes Garak had made for him. He knows better than to wear something out his trunk – if Garak doesn't appreciate that on a normal day, there's no way he'll let it go on a day as special as this one. He scoops up the roses from where he'd laid them on the table by the door and makes his way to his bondmate's shop. Garak is working absently on a pile of low-priority repairs, but he pushes them to the side when he sees Julian come in. It's not everyday he's surprised on his tenth anniversary.


	5. E - Energy

    Collapsing is the beginning of the end, and Garak knows it. By the end of the next day he can't drag himself out of bed, let alone out of his quarters to the shop. He's fading quickly, not fighting both because he knows it's useless and also because he just wants it to be over. He's nearly comatose when Julian breaks into his quarters, and it takes every bit of energy he has to finally tell the other man why he's dying. He's been in pain so long, and rejection will kill him instantly. Better that, than this slow death.


	6. F - First

    Julian kisses Garak, doing everything he can to make all the love he feels for the infuriating Cardassian tangible. The other man doesn't respond, instead he goes limp under Julian's hands, eyes rolling back in his head. For a moment that goes on far too long, Julian thinks he's too late, he's done something wrong. At last, though, the Cardassian's eyes jerk back open and he gasps for air, nearly knocking Julian off of him with his thrashing. He manages to hold on until Garak settles, and meets unusually warm blue eyes. He leans in for another kiss, knowing that for now, the words can wait.


	7. G - Gone

    Julian curses softly when he finds Garak's shop still locked up. He knew he should have insisted on keeping the Cardassian in sickbay where he could monitor him. Garak may have maintained  there was nothing Julian could do for him, but people don't just collapse for no reason. Overcome with worry, he gives up all sense of decorum and runs as quickly as he can to Garak's quarters. When he doesn't get an response after several tries he resorts to his medical override and breaks in. What he sees makes his heart break, certain that Garak is far from fine.


	8. H - Home

    For so long, Garak had wanted noting more than to be welcomed home to Cardassia, his exile ended. Therefore, it surprises everyone, even him, when having been offered a position in the rebuilding of Cardassia, he turns it down without hesitation. He will always love his planet, but somewhere along the way, the station had been transformed from a prison to a home. His tailoring job has long since stopped being a cover, his soulmate is oblivious but close, and the hurt of his exile is soothed by the knowledge that he can return to visit Cardassia whenever he likes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In most post-canon stories I've read, Julian goes to Cardassia with Garak, which is awesome. I wanted to try it the other way around, though.


	9. I - Idiot

    “You idiot, why didn't you tell me?” It's the morning after their first night together, and although Julian had put off talking in favor of convincing both himself and Garak that it was real, they've calmed down now and he needs to understand. The Cardassian's words are disjointed, as if he's unsure of the reception his explanation will receive. Julian is confused at first, but as he listens and mentally adds in the information from last night, he begins to realize that his lover had every reason to fear. He's been reluctant too, though, and if he could turn back the years, he would.


	10. J - Jealous

    He's jealous, of course he is. How could he not be? It's not easy to watch the man he loves – _his soulmate_ – waltz from relationship to relationship, never truly happy, never seeing what's right in front of him. It hurts more than he can describe to see Julian with someone else, but what he truly wants, more than anything, is for Julian to be happy. He _needs_ Julian to be happy with _him_ , because not being loved in return is killing him. It's because he loves Julian, though, that he wants him to be happy even if it's with someone else.


	11. K - Kisses

    Julian presses his lips to the slight swell of his bondmate's stomach, smiling against the skin. He's happier than he's ever been, here in the dark with the love of his life and their unborn child. He'd be the first to say that this isn't how he expected his life to turn out, he never would have placed himself here, in this place with this man, but he's so, so very grateful for it. He straightens up and places a kiss on Garak's lips. When the other man asks him why he's so quiet, concern clear in his voice, he just shakes his head and smiles. There's nothing wrong in his world, nothing at all.


	12. L - Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I've been trying to finish the draft of my novel. My writer's block is back, however, so you get this.

    Julian is insecure, sometimes. He fell in love with Garak on his own, gradually over the years they've known each other. Garak, though... Garak knew Julian was his soulmate from the moment the implant was removed. He loves Julian, and Julian knows that, intellectually. Still, something about the concept of being destined for some one person – bound to them even if you never meet – is unsettling in his mind. Sometimes he can't help but wonder if Garak would have chosen him willingly, if there was no soulbond involved. Other times, he catches Garak looking at him like he holds the universe in his hands, and he knows the answer. Yes, every time.


	13. M - Marriage

    Cardassians don't have marriages, in the sense that humans understand. Once they meet their soulmate and solidify the connection, they're considered bondmates under Cardassian law. There's no ceremony, nor is there a requirement to register it formally – they can tell at a glance whether a fellow Cardassian has bonded or not. Julian knows all this, but that doesn't stop him from proposing. Garak is resistant at first, because he doesn't think it's necessary to make a spectacle of something that is already done. Once he understands what it means to Julian, though, he agrees. They're married by Captain Sisko, surrounded by the crew that has become family to them.


	14. N - Nickname

    Julian only calls his bondmate Elim when they're alone together. It's not really a nickname; if asked to explain, Julian would say it's a promise. For him, the word – the name – says 'You have trusted me with your most guarded secrets, with your hidden heart, and I always want to be deserving of that'. They have their less loaded, more playful names for each other, too, of course. Julian is 'My dear Doctor' said teasingly, flirtatiously, in irritation, and always with love. Garak is 'Tailor' with a bit of a sarcastic bite, laughing and light-hearted, exasperated,  ever tinged with adoring wonder.


	15. O - Origin

      Fifty-seven is fairly young for a Cardassian to be having a child. This isn't because they're still considered immature at that age – at fifty-seven, they will have been considered a fully grown adult for thirty-five years. It's due to the fact that, on average, most Cardassians don't find their soulmate until they're over a hundred; and only soulbonded Cardassians are able to conceive children. Garak is lucky. He's young, in love, and by some miracle he's found his soulmate – his bondmate – despite Julian not even being the same species, something that should have drastically decreased his chances of finding him at all. They're having a child. It can't erase the pain of his early life, but it somehow makes it all easier to bear.


	16. P - Parents

      They name her Elissa. Julian is holding her the first time she opens her eyes, with Garak, happy if exhausted, leaning against his side. She looks so much like Garak that Julian isn't really expecting it, when she opens them and they're his own. His sudden intake of breath stirs his bondmate's attention and is mirrored by Garak's own when he sees what Julian is mesmerized by. “Your eyes,” he whispers, “She has your eyes... Do you know how rare it is for a Cardassian to have brown eyes?” Julian doesn't answer, just looks over at him, “She's beautiful, isn't she?” Garak's own eyes have fluttered shut again and he looks half-asleep, but there's a smile on his face. “Of course she is. She's ours.”


	17. Q - Quiet

    Elissa is a quiet baby. It worries Julian, sometimes, just how little noise she actually makes. Garak assures him that it's normal for Cardassians, and intellectually he knows that his bondmate is right. The doctor in him knows that all babies are different and there's no reason to torment himself when he's able to look her over and be sure that she's perfectly healthy. The father in him – and isn't that a strange thought? - pulls him to hold her close and tell her he loves her, that everything's alright. That side usually wins, but Julian can't complain. It's true, after all.


	18. R - Rules

      Normally, Garak takes Elissa to the shop with him and lets her sit in her playpen where he can keep an eye on her. Today, however, he's got six different orders to complete and can't divide his attention up. Julian keeping her obviously isn't an option and neither are any of the bridge crew, so – mostly out of desperation – they turn to Quark and Odo. The Ferengi takes surprisingly little convincing, so within a few minutes, Garak drops his daughter off in their care. He's understandably wary, considering who he's trusting, but after an extensive lecture on what Elissa can and cannot do or have, he leaves. It's a pleasant shock when he comes back to hear Elissa giggling and Tam happily treating her like the best toy in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more about Quark, Odo, and Tam, see the first collection in this series: 'He Says Interrogate and I'm Honestly Not Sure If It's A Euphemism Or Not'.


	19. S - Safe

      Garak doesn't like feeling weak. More than that, however, he hates allowing people to see him when he feels weak. Julian knows this, has known this since he first met Garak in the replimat all those years ago. Given that information, his shock is justifiable, when his bondmate storms into sickbay, pulls Julian into his office, and collapses into his arms with a sob. It's so out of character for him that Julian doesn't know how to react at first, but he quickly gathers his wits and pulls Garak close. The time for questions will come later; his bondmate neither wants nor needs empty words. It's enough to feel safe - and Julian is honoured that he can make this proud, fragile man feel that way.


	20. T - Trust

      The customer is currently under the custody of Odo and his security team. The Changeling himself has finally left, after assuring Garak that the woman will be punished to the full extent of his authority. He's alone. Garak knows it's not worth getting upset over, but what had started off as anger is rapidly giving over to hurt. Years have gone by since anyone has been so hostile to him simply because of his species. It's all he can do to hold on to that cloak of anger long enough to get across the station to sickbay without breaking down. As soon as Julian's office door is closed behind them, he lets go. He has nothing to fear here.


	21. U - Universe

      The sheer number of species, let alone individuals, in the universe makes never coming into contact with the one you're meant for a very real possibility for Cardassians and other soul-bonding species. The majority find their soulmate within their own species, which is difficult enough, but the ones with other-species soulmates still make up a significant portion of them. For a Cardassian, no fear goes deeper than that of being alone. In truth, that had been the worst part of the exile for Garak – even more so than never being able to see Cardassia again. Finding Julian had been nothing short of a miracle, particularly given the deliberate blocking of his bond by the Obsidian Order.


	22. V - Verify

      Julian's nervous. He knows getting the answer he wants is a long-shot. It's not even like it's something that he needs to have, really. He just feels like it is. He grabs what he needs from his desk and then makes his way out of Sickbay and across the station. Unsurprisingly, Garak is already waiting for him at their usual table. Lunch is filled with an awkard silence that he's glad his bondmate doesn't comment on. After what seems to drag on forever, their meal is over and Julian takes a deep breath, slips the box from his pocket, places it open on the table.


	23. W - Weird

      Garak, on first impression, probably doesn't come off as 'doting mother and loving husband'. He doesn't really come off as a tailor either, but that's becoming easier to believe with every day that passes since the war ended. Most people don't get to see what Julian sees, though. They don't see him carefully constructing soft toys and playing with them with Elissa. They don't hear him humming Cardassian lullabies. They don't catch the subtle softening of his icy eyes when he looks at his bondmate. No-one knows Elim the way Julian does. He can't say he doesn't like it that way.


	24. X - Xenobiology

      It probably makes sense that, somewhere along the way, Dr. Bashir has become the Federation's leading expert on Cardassian biology. What makes equal sense, but was considerably less expected, is that he has also become something of an expert on cross-species hybrids. It isn't what he ever intended to specialize in, but being responsible for the full-time medical care of over ten of them, including his own daughter, most with extremely varied parents, it just happened.


	25. Y - Yours

      Garak holds Elissa close to his chest, smiling while she breathes Cardassian air for the first time. Their home is a station in space, but he thinks it's good for her to know that, in a way, Cardassia, too, is home. The planet will never mean to Elissa Bashier what it means to her mother, but that's a good thing. Elissa will have a better life than he has had. That he's standing here at all is proof of that.


	26. Z - Zero

      Realistically, Elim Garak should never have had a chance with Julian Bashir. The officer and the spy should never have met. No friendship should ever have formed between a liar by habit and liar by trade. The implant should have continued to mask the doctor from the tailor's senses. The lonely man should have given up as his heart's desire always looked elsewhere. The Cardassian should have died, the human forever in the dark that he was responsible. Somehow, though, none of that came true. They're together and they're happy. It's not a perfect fairy-tale ending, but it's all Garak ever wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... done. Thank you for reading this collection; I had fun writing it. Eventually I would like to do Kira/Jadzia collection for this series but that won't be anytime soon. My Doctor Who project has become a bit overwhelming. Feel free to let me know what you thought about it, though.
> 
> \- Padme


End file.
